The Rules of Life, Expanded Edition: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Life Introduction viii Part I Rules for You 1 1 Keep It Under Your Hat 4 2 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser 6 3 Accept What Is Done Is Done 8 4 Accept Yourself 10 5 Know What Counts and What Doesn’t 12 6 Dedicate Your Life to Something 14 7 Be Flexible in Your Thinking 16 8 Take an Interest in the Outside World 18 9 Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts 20 10 Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream 22 11 Be the Last to Raise Your Voice 24 12 Be Your Own Adviser 26 13 No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt 28 14 I Wish I’d Done That--and I Will 30 15 It’s OK to Give Up 32 16 Count to Ten--or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep” 34 17 Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest 36 18 Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do--Not Second Best 38 19 Don’t Expect to Be Perfect 40 20 Don’t Be Afraid to Dream 42 21 If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure You Know How Deep the Water Is 44 22 Don’t Dwell on the Past 46 23 Don’t Live in the Future 48 24 Get on With Life--It’s Whooshing Past 50 25 Be Consistent 52 26 Dress Like Today Is Important 54 27 Have a Belief System 56 28 Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day 58 29 Have a Plan 60 30 Have a Sense of Humor 62 31 Choose How You Make Your Bed 64 32 Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising 66 33 Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone 68 34 Learn to Ask Questions 70 35 Have Dignity 72 36 It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions 74 37 Keep the Faith 76 38 You’ll Never Understand Everything 78 39 Know Where True Happiness Comes From 80 40 Life Is a Pizza 82 41 Know When to Let Go--When to Walk Away 84 42 Retaliation Leads to Escalation 86 43 Look After Yourself 88 44 Maintain Good Manners in All Things 90 45 Prune Your Stuff Frequently 92 46 Remember to Touch Base 94 47 Draw the Lines Around Yourself 96 48 Shop for Quality, Not Price 98 49 It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To 100 50 Stay Young 102 51 Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work 104 52 Think for Yourself 106 53 You Are Not in Charge 108 54 Have Something in Your Life That Takes You Out of Yourself 110 55 Only the Good Feel Guilty 112 56 If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything at All 114 Part II Partnership Rules 117 57 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 120 58 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 122 59 Be Nice 124 60 You Want to Do What? 126 61 Be the First to Say Sorry 128 62 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 130 63 Always Have Someone--or Something--That Is Pleased to See You 132 64 Know When to Listen and When to Act 134 65 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 136 66 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 138 67 Keep Talking 140 68 Respect Privacy 142 69 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 144 70 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend 146 71 Contentment Is a High Aim 148 72 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 150 Part III Family and Friends Rules 153 73 If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 156 74 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 158 75 Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves--They Don’t Need Any Help from You 160 76 Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for Your Parents 162 77 Give Your Kids a Break 164 78 Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off 166 79 Keep Quiet 168 80 There Are No Bad Children 170 81 Be Up Around People You Love 172 82 Give Your Kids Responsibilities 174 83 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 176 84 Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like 178 85 Your Role as a Child 180 86 Your Role as a Parent 182 Part IV Social Rules 185 87 We’re All Closer Than You Think 188 88 It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive 190 89 It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful 192 90 What’s in It for Them? 194 91 Hang Out with Positive People 196 92 Be Generous with Your Time and Information 198 93 Get Involved 200 94 Keep the Moral High Ground 202 95 Just Because You Have, Doesn't Mean They Have Too 204 96 Do Compare Yourself with Other People 206 97 Have a Plan for Your Career 208 98 Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You Do for a Living 210 99 Be Good at Your Job 212 100 Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing 214 101 Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation 216 102 Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem 218 103 Check What History Would Say About You 220 104 Not Everything Can Be Green 222 105 Put Something Back 224 106 Find a New Rule Every Day--or Occasionally at Least 226   The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Personal Success Foreword viii Introduction x Part I Walk Your Talk 1 1 Get Your Work Noticed 4 2 Never Stand Still 6 3 Volunteer Carefully 8 4 Carve Out a Niche for Yourself 10 5 Under Promise and Over Deliver 12 6 Learn to Ask Why 14 7 Be 100 Percent Committed 16 8 Learn from Others’ Mistakes 18 9 Enjoy What You Are Doing 20 10 Develop the Right Attitude 22 11 Be Passionate But Don’t Kill Yourself 24 12 Manage Your Energy 26 13 Never Let Anyone Know How Hard You Work 28 14 Keep Your Home Life at Home 30 Part II Know That You’re Being Judged at All Times 33 15 Cultivate a Smile 36 16 No Limp Fish—Develop the Perfect Handshake 38 17 Exude Confidence and Energy 40 18 Develop a Style That Gets You Noticed 42 19 Pay Attention to Personal Grooming 44 20 Be Attractive 46 21 Be Cool 48 22 Speak Well 50 23 Write Well 52 Part III Have a Plan 55 24 Know What You Want Long Term 58 25 Know What You Want Short term 60 26 Study the Promotion System 62 27 Develop a Game Plan 64 28 Set Objectives 66 29 Know Your Role 68 30 Know Yourself—Strengths and Weaknesses 70 31 Identify Key Times and Events 72 32 Anticipate Threats 74 33 Look for Opportunities 76 34 Make Learning a Lifelong Mission 78 Part IV If You Can’t Say Anything Nice—Shut Up 81 35 Don’t Gossip 84 36 Don’t Bitch 86 37 Stand Up for Others 88 38 Compliment People Sincerely 90 39 Be Cheerful and Positive 92 40 Ask Questions 94 41 Use “Please” and “Thank You” 96 42 Don’t Swear 98 43 Be a Good Listener 100 44 Only Speak Sense 102 Part V Look After Yourself 105 45 Know the Ethics of Your Industry 108 46 Know the Legalities of Your Industry 110 47 Set Personal Standards 112 48 Never Lie 114 49 Never Cover Up for Anyone Else 116 50 Keep Records 118 51 Know the Difference Between the Truth and The Whole Truth 120 52 Cultivate Your Support/Contacts/ Friends 122 53 Date with Caution 124 54 Understand Others’ Motives 126 55 Assume Everyone Else Is Playing by Different Rules 128 56 Keep the Faith 130 57 Put Things in Perspective 132 Part VI Blend In 135 58 Know the Corporate Culture 138 59 Speak the Language 140 60 Dress Up or Dress Down Accordingly 142 61 Be Adaptable in Your Dealings with Different People 144 62 Make Your Boss Look Good 146 63 Know Where to Hang Out, and When 148 64 Understand Social Protocols 150 65 Know the Rules about Authority 152 66 Know the Rules about the Office Hierarchy 154 67 Never Disapprove of Others 156 68 Understand the Herd Mentality 158 Part VII Act One Step Ahead 161 69 Dress One Step Ahead 164 70 Talk One Step Ahead 166 71 Act One Step Ahead 168 72 Think One Step Ahead 170 73 Address Corporate Issues and Problems 172 74 Make Your Company Better for Having You There 174 75 Talk of “We” Rather Than “I” 176 76 Walk the Walk 178 77 Spend More Time with Senior Staff 180 78 Get People to Assume You Have Already Made the Step 182 79 Prepare for the Step After Next 184 Part VIII Cultivate Diplomacy 187 80 Ask Questions in Times of Conflict 190 81 Don’t Take Sides 192 82 Know When to Keep Your Opinions to Yourself 194 83 Be Conciliatory 196 84 Never Lose Your Temper 198 85 Never Get Personal 200 86 Know How to Handle Other People’s Anger 202 87 Stand Your Ground 204 88 Be Objective About the Situation 206 Part IX Know the System--and Milk It 209 89 Know All the Unspoken Rules of Office Life 212 90 Know What to Call Everyone 214 91 Know When to Stay Late and When to Go Early 216 92 Know the Theft or Perks Rule 218 93 Identify the People Who Count 220 94 Be on the Right Side of the People Who Count 222 95 Be Well Up on New Management Techniques 224 96 Know the Undercurrents and Hidden Agendas 226 97 Know the Favorites and Cultivate Them 228 98 Know the Mission Statement--and Understand It 230 Part X Handle the Opposition 233 99 Identify the Opposition 236 100 Study Them Closely 238 101 Don’t Back-Stab 240 102 Know the Psychology of Promotion 242 103 Don’t Give Too Much Away 244 104 Keep Your Ear to the Ground 246 105 Make the Opposition Seem Irreplaceable 248 106 Don’t Damn the Opposition with Faint Praise 250 107 Capitalize on the Career-Enhancing Moments 252 108 Cultivate the Friendship and Approval of Your Colleagues 254 Postscript: Know When to Break the Rules 256   The Rules of Management, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Managerial Success Introduction vii Part I Managing Your Team 1 1 Get Them Emotionally Involved 4 2 Know What a Team Is and How It Works 6 3 Set Realistic Targets—No, Really Realistic 8 4 Hold Effective Meetings 10 5 …No, Really Effective 12 6 Make Meetings Fun 14 7 Make Your Team Better Than You 16 8 Know Your Own Importance 18 9 Set Your Boundaries 20 10 Be Ready to Prune 22 11 Offload as Much as You Can—or Dare 24 12 Let Them Make Mistakes 26 13 Accept Their Limitations 28 14 Encourage People 30 15 Be Very, Very Good at Finding the Right People 32 16 Hire Raw Talent 34 17 Take the Rap 36 18 Give Credit to the Team When It Deserves It 38 19 Get the Best Resources for Your Team 40 20 Celebrate 42 21 Keep Track of Everything You Do and Say 44 22 Be Sensitive to Friction 46 23 Create a Good Atmosphere 48 24 Inspire Loyalty and Team Spirit 50 25 Have and Show Trust in Your Staff 52 26 Respect Individual Differences 54 27 Listen to Ideas from Others 56 28 Adapt Your Style to Each Team Member 58 29 Let Them Think They Know More Than You (Even if They Don’t) 60 30 Don’t Always Have to Have the Last Word 62 31 Understand the Roles of Others 64 32 Ensure People Know Exactly What Is Expected of Them 66 33 Have Clear Expectations 68 34 Use Positive Reinforcement Motivation 70 35 Don’t Try Justifying Stupid Systems 72 36 Be Ready to Say Yes 74 37 Train Them to Bring You Solutions, Not Problems 76 Part II Managing Yourself 79 38 Work Hard 82 39 Set the Standard 84 40 Enjoy Yourself 86 41 Don’t Let It Get to You 88 42 Know What You Are Supposed to Be Doing 90 43 Know What You Are Actually Doing 92 44 Value Your Time 94 45 Be Proactive, Not Reactive 96 46 Be Consistent 98 47 Set Realistic Targets for Yourself—No, Really Realistic 100 48 Have a Game Plan, but Keep It Secret 102 49 Get Rid of Superfluous Rules 104 50 Learn from Your Mistakes 106 51 Be Ready to Unlearn—What Works, Changes 108 52 Cut the Crap—Prioritize 110 53 Cultivate Those in the Know 112 54 Know When to Kick the Door Shut 114 55 Fill Your Time Productively and Profitably 116 56 Have a Plan B and a Plan C 118 57 Capitalize on Chance—Be Lucky, but Never Admit It 120 58 Recognize When You’re Stressed 122 59 Manage Your Health 124 60 Be Prepared for the Pain and Pleasure 126 61 Face the Future 128 62 Head Up, Not Head Down 130 63 See the Forest and the Trees 132 64 Know When to Let Go 134 65 Be Decisive, Even if It Means Being Wrong Sometimes 136 66 Adopt Minimalism as a Management Style 138 67 Visualize Your Plaque 140 68 Have Principles and Stick to Them 142 69 Follow Your Intuition 144 70 Be Creative 146 71 Don’t Stagnate 148 72 Be Flexible and Ready to Move On 150 73 Remember the Object of the Exercise 152 74 Remember That None of Us Has to Be Here 154 75 Go Home 156 76 Keep Learning—Especially from the Opposition 158 77 Be Passionate and Bold 160 78 Plan for the Worst, but Hope for the Best 162 79 Let the Company See You Are on Its Side 164 80 Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Boss 166 81 Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Team 168 82 Accept that Some Things Bosses Tell You to Do Will Be Wrong 170 83 Accept That Bosses Are as Scared as You Are at Times 172 84 Avoid Straitjacket Thinking 174 85 Act and Talk as if One of Them 176 86 If in Doubt, Ask Questions 178 87 Show You Understand the Viewpoint of Underlings and Overlings 180 88 Add Value 182 89 Don’t Back Down—Be Prepared to Stand Your Ground 184 90 Don’t Play Politics 186 91 Don’t Criticize Other Managers 188 92 Share What You Know 190 93 Don’t Intimidate 192 94 Be Above Interdepartmental Warfare 194 95 Show That You’ll Fight to the Death for Your Team 196 96 Aim for Respect Rather Than Being Liked 198 97 Do One or Two Things Well and Avoid the Rest 200 98 Seek Feedback on Your Performance 202 99 Maintain Good Relationships and Friendships 204 100 Build Respect—Both Ways—Between You and Your Customers 206 101 Go the Extra Mile for Your Customers 208 102 Be Aware of Your Responsibilities 210 103 Be Straight at All Times and Speak the Truth 212 104 Don’t Cut Corners—You’ll Get Discovered 214 105 Find the Right Sounding Board 216 106 Be in Command and Take Charge 218 107 Be a Diplomat for the Company 220 End Game 222   The Rules of Money, Expanded Edition: How to Make It and How to Hold on to It Acknowledgments x Introduction xi Part I Thinking Wealthy 2 1 Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself 4 2 Decide on Your Definition of Wealth 6 3 Set Your Objectives 8 4 Keep It Under Your Hat 10 5 Most People Are Too Lazy to Be Wealthy 12 6 Get a Reality Check 14 7 Understand Your Money Beliefs and Where They Come From 16 8 Understand That Wealth Is a Consequence, Not a Reward 18 9 Decide What You Want Money For 20 10 Understand That Money Begets Money 22 11 Calculate the Net Return 24 12 If You See Money as the Solution, You’ll Find It Becomes the Problem 26 13 You Can Make Lots of Money, You Can Enjoy Your Job, and You Can Sleep Nights 28 14 Don’t Make Money by Being Bad 30 15 Money and Happiness—Understand Their Relationship 32 16 Know the Difference Between Price and Value 34 17 Know How the Wealthy Think 36 18 Don’t Envy What Others Have 38 19 It’s Harder to Manage Yourself Than It Is to Manage Your Money 40 Part II Getting Wealthy 42 20 You’ve Got to Know Where You Are Before You Start 44 21 You’ve Got to Have a Plan 46 22 Get Your Finances Under Control 48 23 Insurance Pays Someone, and Odds Are It’s Not You 50 24 Only by Looking Wealthy Can You Become Wealthy 52 25 Speculate to Accumulate (No, This Isn’t Gambling) 54 26 Decide Your Attitude to Risk 56 27 Think Through the Alternatives to Taking a Risk 58 28 If You Don’t Trust Someone, Don’t Do Business With Them 60 29 It’s Never Too Late to Start Getting Wealthy 62 30 Start Saving Young (or Teach Your Kids This One If It’s Too Late for You) 64 31 Understand That Your Financial Needs Change at Different Stages of Your Life 66 32 You Have to Work Hard to Get Rich Enough Not to Have to Work Hard 68 33 Learn the Art of Deal Making 70 34 Learn the Art of Negotiating 72 35 Small Economies Won’t Make You Wealthy but They Will Make You Miserable 74 36 Real Wealth Comes from Deals Not Fees 76 37 Understand That Working for Others Won’t Necessarily Make You Rich—but It Might 78 38 Don’t Waste Time Procrastinating—Make Money Decisions Quickly 80 39 Work as If You Didn’t Need the Money 82 40 Spend Less Than You Earn 84 41 Don’t Borrow Money—Unless You Really, Really Have To 86 42 Consider Consolidating Debts 88 43 Cultivate a Skill and It’ll Repay You Over and Over Again 90 44 Pay Off Your Loans and Debts as a Priority 92 45 Don’t Be Too Busy Earning a Living to Make Some Money 94 46 Save in Big Chunks—or Should You? 96 47 Don’t Rent; Buy 98 48 Understand What Investing Really Means 100 49 Build a Bit of Capital, Then Invest It Wisely 102 50 Understand That Property, in the Long Run, Will Not Outpace Shares 104 51 Master the Art of Selling 106 52 See Yourself as Others Do 108 53 Don’t Believe You Can Always Win 110 54 Don’t Pick Stocks Yourself If You Don’t Know What You’re Doing 112 55 Understand How the Stock Market Really Works 114 56 Only Buy Shares (or Anything) You Can Understand 116 57 Use Your Head 118 58 By All Means, Use the Investment Professionals (but Don’t Be Used by Them) 120 59 If You Are Going to Get Financial Advice, Pay for It 122 60 Don’t Fiddle 124 61 Think Long Term 126 62 Have a Set Time of Day to Work on Your Wealth Strategy 128 63 Pay Attention to Detail 130 64 Create New Income Streams 132 65 Learn to Play “What If?” 134 66 Control Spending Impulses 136 67 Don’t Answer Ads That Promise Get-Rich-Quick Schemes—It Won’t Be You Who Gets Rich Quick 138 68 There Are No Secrets 140 69 Don’t Just Read This—Do Something 142 Part III Get Even Wealthier 144 70 Carry Out a Finance Health Check Regularly 146 71 Get Some Money Mentors 148 72 Play Your Hunches 150 73 Don’t Sit Back 152 74 Get Someone to Do the Stuff You Can’t 154 75 Know Yourself—Solo, Duo, or Team Player 156 76 Look for the Hidden Asset/Opportunity 158 77 Don’t Try to Get Rich Too Quickly 160 78 Always Ask What’s In It for Them 162 79 Make Your Money Work for You 164 80 Know When to Let Go of Investments 166 81 Know Your Own Style 168 82 Know Why You Should Be Able to Read a Balance Sheet—and How 170 83 Be One Step Ahead of Your Tax Collector 172 84 Learn How to Make Your Assets Work for You 174 85 Don’t Ever Believe You’re Only Worth What You Are Being Paid 176 86 Don’t Follow the Same Route as Everyone Else 178 Part IV Staying Wealthy 180 87 Shop for Quality 182 88 Check the Small Print 184 89 Don’t Spend It Before You’ve Got It 186 90 Put Something Aside for Your Old Age—No, More Than That! 188 91 Put Something Aside for Emergencies/Rainy Days—the Contingency Fund 190 92 You Paid What for It? How to Shop Around 192 93 Never Borrow Money from Friends or Family (but You Can Allow Them to Invest) 194 94 Don’t Surrender Equity 196 95 Know When to Stop 198 Part V Sharing Your Wealth 200 96 Use Your Wealth Wisely 202 97 Never Lend Money to Friends or Family Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off 204 98 Don’t Lend, Take Equities 206 99 You Really, Really Can’t Take It with You 208 100 Know When/How to Say No—and Yes 210 101 Find Ways to Give People Money Without Them Feeling They Are in Your Debt 212 102 Don’t Over-Protect Your Children from the Valuable Experience of Poverty 214 103 Know How to Choose Charities/Good Causes 216 104 Spend Your Own Money Because No One Will Spend It as Wisely as You 218 105 Take Responsibility Before You Take Advice 220 106 Once You’ve Got It, Don’t Flaunt It 222 107 What’s Next? Pacts with the Devil? 224   The Rules of Parenting: A Personal Code for Raising Happy, Confident Children, Expanded Edition Contents Introduction xi Part I Rules for Staying Sane 2 1 Relax 4 2 No One Is Perfect 6 3 Be Content 8 4 Know What You’re Good at 10 5 Almost Any Rule Can Be Broken Occasionally 12 6 Don’t Try to Do Everything 14 7 You Don’t Have to Follow Every Piece of Advice You Get (Including This One) 16 8 It’s Normal to Want to Escape 18 9 You’re Allowed to Hide from Your Kids 20 10 Parents Are People Too 22 11 Don’t Ignore Your Relationship with Your Partner 24 Part II Attitude Rules 26 12 Love Is Not Enough 28 13 Every Recipe Needs Different Ingredients 30 14 Anything Extreme Is Almost Certainly Wrong 32 15 Look Pleased to See Them 34 16 Treat Your Child with Respect 36 17 Enjoy Their Company 38 18 It’s Not about You – It’s about Them 40 19 Being Tidy Isn’t as Important as You Think 42 20 Good Parenting Is Calculated Risk Taking 44 21 Keep Your Worries to Yourself 46 22 See Things from Their Point of View 48 23 Parenting Is Not a Competitive Sport 50 24 Never Emotionally Blackmail Them 52 Part III Everyday Rules 54 25 Let Them Get On with It 56 26 Let Them Go (Wild) 58 27 Teach Them to Think for Themselves 60 28 Use Praise Wisely 62 29 Make Sure They Know What’s Important 64 30 Show Them How to Lose 66 31 Know the Value of Boundaries 68 32 Bribery Doesn’t Have to Be Bad 70 33 Moods Are Catching 72 34 You’re Setting Their Eating Patterns for Life 74 35 Communicate 76 36 Set Clear Targets 78 37 Don’t Be a Nag 80 Part IV Discipline Rules 82 38 Present a United Front 84 39 Carrots Beat Sticks 86 40 Be Consistent 88 41 Lighten Up 90 42 Focus on the Problem, Not the Person 92 43 Don’t Paint Yourself into a Corner 94 44 If You Lose Your Temper, You’re the Loser 96 45 Apologize if You Get It Wrong 98 46 Let Them Back in 100 47 The Right of Expression 102 Part V Personality Rules 104 48 Find What Incentives Work for Your Child 106 49 Every Child Should Have Something He Knows He’s Good At 108 50 Learn to Appreciate the Qualities That Remind You of Someone Else 110 51 Look for the Similarities Between You 112 52 Find Qualities to Admire in Them 114 53 Let Them Be Better Than You 116 54 Their Attitude Is as Important as Their Achievements 118 55 Keep Your Fears and Insecurities to Yourself 120 56 Mind Your Programming 122 57 Don’t Try to Have a Perfect Child 124 Part VI Sibling Rules 126 58 Give Them Each Other 128 59 Recognize that Squabbling Is Healthy (Within Reason) 130 60 Teach Them to Fight Their Own Battles 132 61 Work as a Team 134 62 Let Them Entertain Each Other 136 63 Never Compare Children with Each Other 138 64 Different Children Need Different Rules 140 65 Don’t Have a Favorite 142 66 Mix and Match 144 67 Find Each Child’s Strengths 146 Part VII School Rules 148 68 Schooling Isn’t the Same as Education 150 69 School Comes as a Package 152 70 Fight Your Child’s Corner 154 71 Bullying Is Always Serious 156 72 Teach Them to Stand Up for Themselves 158 73 Put Up with Friends of Theirs You Don’t Like 160 74 Remember You’re Their Parent, Not Their Teacher 162 75 Don’t Spoil Them 164 76 Let Up the Pressure 166 77 They Have to Live with Their Choices (and It’s OK) 168 Part VIII Teenage Rules 170 78 Don’t Panic 172 79 Remember Newton’s Third Law 174 80 Give Them a Voice 176 81 Don’t Look Under the Mattress 178 82 Running Around after Them Doesn’t Help Anybody 180 83 Don’t Stand in Front of a Speeding Train 182 84 Yelling Isn’t the Answer 184 85 Let Them Have the Last Word 186 86 Everything Comes with Strings 188 87 Show Some Respect for the Things They Care about 190 88 Adopt a Healthy Attitude to Sex 192 Part IX Crisis Rules 194 89 Don’t Use Your Kids as Ammunition 196 90 Let Them Cope in Their Own Way 198 91 Being Younger Doesn’t Necessarily Speed Everything Up 200 92 The Aftershock Can Last Forever 202 93 Tell Them What’s Going On 204 94 Teach Them to Fail Successfully 206 95 It’s Better to Agree Than to Be Right 208 96 All of Your Actions Speak Louder Than Any of Your Words 210 97 Make Sure They Know They’re Priority No. 1 212 98 You Can’t Fix Everything 214 Part X Grown-up Rules 216 99 Back Off 218 100 Wait Until They Ask for Advice 220 101 Treat Them as Adults 222 102 Don’t Try to Be Their Best Friend 224 103 Encourage Them Regardless 226 104 You Can’t Choose Who Your Children Love 228 105 Leave the Strings Off 230 106 Don’t Guilt-Trip Them 232 107 Remember They Still Need You 234 108 It’s Not Your Fault 236 109 Once a Parent, Always a Parent 238   The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships, Expanded Edition Introduction xi Part I Rules for Finding Love 2 1 Be Yourself 4 2 Get Over It Before You Get On With It 6 3 You Won’t Be Happy With a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own 8 4 You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them 10 5 Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh 12 6 Being Less Than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter 14 7 Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes 16 8 Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are) 18 9 You Can’t Change People 20 10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex 22 11 Get to Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before Making Any Major Decisions 24 12 Don’t Stay With Someone Who Doesn’t Care 26 13 If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship 28 14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance) 30 15 Don’t Play Games 32 16 Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes 34 17 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 36 18 You Can’t Make Someone Love You 38 19 Be Cruel to Be Kind 40 Part II Relationship Rules 42 20 Be Nice 44 21 Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need to 46 22 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 48 23 Look to Your Own Faults 50 24 Be Honorable 52 25 Put Each Other First 54 26 Recognize the Signs 56 27 Be a Hero—Or a Heroine 58 28 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 60 29 Don’t Belittle Your Partner 62 30 You Want to Do What? 64 31 Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath 66 32 Be the First to Say Sorry 68 33 Let Them Have the Last Word 70 34 Houston, We Have a Problem 72 35 Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There 74 36 Know When to Listen and When to Act 76 37 Never Stop Trying to be Attractive 78 38 If You Can Say Something Nice, Do 80 39 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent 82 40 Be Part of Their Life 84 41 If Little Things Annoy You, Say So—With Humor 86 42 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 88 43 Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You 90 44 Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner 92 45 Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends 94 46 Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs 96 47 Your Partner Is More Important Than Your Kids 98 48 Make Time for Romance 100 49 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 102 50 Share the Workload 104 51 Trust the Other One to Do the Job 106 52 Don’t Be a Nag 108 53 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 110 54 Don’t Control Them 112 55 Listen to What They’re Not Saying 114 56 Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else 116 57 Respect Privacy 118 58 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend 120 59 Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space 122 60 Men Like Flowers Too 124 61 Keep Your Finances Separate 126 62 Contentment Is a High Aim 128 63 Be Generous to Each Other Financially 130 64 You Make a Choice Every Day 132 65 Don’t Be a Martyr 134 66 Stop Sniping—Someone Has To 136 67 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 138 68 Do It Their Way If It Matters More to Them 140 69 Put Yourself in Their Shoes 142 70 In-laws Are Part of the Package 144 71 Keep Talking 146 Part III Rules for Parting 148 72 Listen to Your Own Internal Voice 150 73 Recognize That It Takes Two 152 74 Keep the Moral High Ground 154 75 Don’t Keep Mulling It Over 156 76 Leave the Kids Out of It 158 Part IV Family Rules 160 77 Don’t Blame Your Parents 162 78 Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings 164 79 Your Children Come Before You 166 80 Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over 168 81 Treat Them Right, No Matter How They Treat You 170 82 There Are No Circumstances in Which It Is Ever Acceptable to Say “I Told You So” 172 83 Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can 174 84 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 176 85 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 178 86 They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You 180 87 There’s Always Stuff with Siblings 182 88 Let Go of Your Role 184 Part V Friendship Rules 186 89 There Are No Rules 188 90 Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger 190 91 Only Have People in Your Life Who, on Balance, Make It Better Not Worse 192 92 If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 194 93 Forgive 196 94 Never Give Advice* 198 95 Don’t Make Other People Uncomfortable 200 96 Find Friends Who Love the Truth 202 97 Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off 204 98 If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough 206 99 When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back 208 100 Friendships Change 210 101 Know When to Let Go 212 102 Bitterness Helps No One 214 Part VI Rules for Everyone 216 103 People Are More Important Than Things 218 104 Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion 220 105 Love Equals Time 222 106 The More You Put Out, The More You Get Back 224 107 Other People Are Where It’s At 226 Had Enough Yet…? 228 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser 230 Get Your Work Noticed 232 Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself 234 Get Them Emotionally Involved 236 Relax 238