Truth About Negotiation   Introduction     vii Part 1: Negotiation: A 30,000-foot view     1 Truth 1: Negotiation: A natural gift?     3 Truth 2: The magic bullet: Preparation      7 Truth 3: Your industry is unique (and other myths)     11 Truth 4: Win—win, win—lose, and lose—lose negotiations     15 Truth 5: Four sand traps in the golf game of negotiation     19 Truth 6: If you have only one hour to prepare     23 Part 2: The bottom line on bottom lines     27 Truth 7: Identify your BATNA     29 Truth 8: Develop your reservation price     33 Truth 9: It’s alive! Constantly improve your BATNA     37 Truth 10: Don’t reveal your BATNA     41 Truth 11: Don’t lie about your BATNA     45 Truth 12: Signal your BATNA     49 Truth 13: Research the other party’s BATNA      53 Part 3: Black belt negotiation skills     55 Truth 14: Set optimistic but realistic aspirations     57 Truth 15: The power of making the fi rst off er     61 Truth 16: What if the other party makes the fi rst off er?     65 Truth 17: Plan your concessions     69 Truth 18: Be aware of the “even-split” ploy     73 Truth 19: Reveal your interests     77 Truth 20: Negotiate issues simultaneously, not sequentially     81 Truth 21: Logrolling (I scratch your back, you scratch mine)     85 Truth 22: Make multiple off ers of equivalent value simultaneously     89 Truth 23: Postsettlement settlements     93 Truth 24: Contingent agreements     97 Part 4: Psychology     101 Truth 25: The reciprocity principle     103 Truth 26: The reinforcement principle     107 Truth 27: The similarity principle     111 Truth 28: The anchoring principle     115 Truth 29: The framing principle     119 Part 5: People problems (and solutions)     123 Truth 30: Responding to temper tantrums     125 Truth 31: How to negotiate with someone you hate     129 Truth 32: How to negotiate with someone you love     133 Truth 33: Of men, women, and pie-slicing     137 Truth 34: Your reputation     141 Truth 35: Building trust     145 Truth 36: Repairing broken trust     149 Truth 37: Saving face     153 Part 6: I-negotiations and E-negotiations     157 Truth 38: Negotiating on the phone     159 Truth 39: Negotiating via email and the Internet     163 Truth 40: When negotiations shift from relational to highly transactional      167 Truth 41: Negotiating across generations     171 Truth 42: Negotiating with diff erent organizational cultures     175 Truth 43: Negotiating with diff erent demographic cultures     179 Part 7: Negotiation Yoga     183 Truth 44: What’s your sign? (Know your disputing style)     185 Truth 45: Satisfi cing versus optimizing     189 Truth 46: Are you an enlightened negotiator?     193 References     197 Acknowledgments     203 About the Author     204     How To Get What You Want… Without Having To Ask   Introduction     1 PART 1: Be the Kind of Person Who Gets What They Want     4 Know What You Want     6 Know Why You Want It     8 Know How Much You Want It     10 Want What You Get     12 Don’t Be a Fuzzy Thinker     14 Know What It Takes     16 Work Out Who You Need on Your Side     18 Break Big Ambitions into Chunks     20 Set Up Some Milestones     22 Celebrate Every Step     24 Write It All Down     26 Analyze Your Sticking Points     28 Set Your Deadlines     30 Check Out the Back Door     32 Don’t Make Excuses     34 Think Positive     36 Don’t Hang Out with Naysayers     38 Say It Out Loud     40 Believe in Yourself     42 Expect Ups and Downs     44 Enjoy It When You Get It     46 PART 2: Be the Kind of Person People Want to Say Yes To     48 Don’t Fake It—Have Real Confidence     50 Sound Confident     52 Look Confident     54 Learn to Say No     56 Give Them an Alternative     58 Be a Broken Record     60 Be Sure You’re Sorry     62 Say What You Mean     64 Think Before You Speak     66 Be Prepared to Disagree     68 Control Yourself     70 Express Yourself     72 Don’t Use Emotional Blackmail…     74 …and Don’t Give In to It     76 Treat People with Respect     78 Have Plenty of Time     80 Be Likeable     82 Have a Sense of Humor     84 Be Honest     86 Always Say Thank You     88 Don’t Do Too Much     90 Give a Bit Extra     92 Be Generous     94 Praise but Don’t Flatter     96 Be Loyal     98 Don’t Talk Behind People’s Backs     100 Learn to Take Criticism Well     102 Admit Your Mistakes     104 Get to Know People     106 Learn to Listen Properly     108 Know What You’ve Agreed To     110 Pick Up the Signals     112 Sympathize with Other People’s Anger     114 Don’t Respond to Tactical Anger     116 Give Other People Results     118 Be Part of Your Organization     120 Work Hard     122 Work Right     124 Be Worth It     126 PART 3: Help Them to Say Yes     128 Make Sure You’re Getting Through to Them     130 And Make Sure They’re Getting Through to You     132 Think About Why They’d Say No     134 Show You Understand     136 Be Objective     138 Give Them an Excuse to Make an Exception     140 Solve Their Problems     142 Read the Clues     144 Learn What Gets Them Going     146 Use the Right Words     148 Get the Timing Right     150 Tell Them What You Want Without Asking     152 Don’t Keep Dropping Hints     154 Make It Hypothetical     156 Ask Questions     158 Ask for Advice Instead of a Job     160 Get Someone to Do the Asking for You     162 Tell Them You Need Them     164 Don’t Rush Them     166 Give Them What They Want     168 Make Them Think It Was Their Idea     170 Discourage Their Bad Ideas     172 Find Out What It Will Take     174 Get a Team Behind You     176 PART 4: And If You Really Do Have to Ask…     178 Be Clear What You’re Asking     180 Pick Your Moment     182 Make a Date     184 Know When to Put It Off     186 Keep to the Script     188 Rehearse It     190 Rehearse Their Answer     192 Don’t Go On About It     194 Get the Essentials on Paper     196 Have a Bottom Line     198 Ask for More Than You Want     200 Don’t Make Empty Threats     202 Think About It     204 Put the Decision in Writing     206 Be Ready to Be Decisive     208 Don’t Give Up     210