The Rules of Life   Introduction     viii Part I Rules for You     1 1  Keep It Under Your Hat     4 2  You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser     6 3  Accept What Is Done Is Done     8 4  Accept Yourself     10 5  Know What Counts and What Doesn’t     12 6  Dedicate Your Life to Something     14 7  Be Flexible in Your Thinking     16 8  Take an Interest in the Outside World     18 9  Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts     20 10  Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream     22 11  Be the Last to Raise Your Voice     24 12  Be Your Own Adviser     26 13  No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt     28 14  I Wish I’d Done That--and I Will     30 15  It’s OK to Give Up     32 16  Count to Ten--or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep”     34 17  Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest     36 18  Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do--Not Second Best     38 19  Don’t Expect to Be Perfect     40 20  Don’t Be Afraid to Dream     42 21  If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure You Know How Deep the Water Is     44 22  Don’t Dwell on the Past     46 23  Don’t Live in the Future     48 24  Get on With Life--It’s Whooshing Past     50 25  Be Consistent     52 26  Dress Like Today Is Important     54 27  Have a Belief System     56 28  Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day     58 29  Have a Plan     60 30  Have a Sense of Humor     62 31  Choose How You Make Your Bed     64 32  Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising     66 33  Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone     68 34  Learn to Ask Questions     70 35  Have Dignity     72 36  It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions     74 37  Keep the Faith     76 38  You’ll Never Understand Everything     78 39  Know Where True Happiness Comes From     80 40  Life Is a Pizza     82 41  Know When to Let Go--When to Walk Away     84 42  Retaliation Leads to Escalation     86 43  Look After Yourself     88 44  Maintain Good Manners in All Things     90 45  Prune Your Stuff Frequently     92 46  Remember to Touch Base     94 47  Draw the Lines Around Yourself     96 48  Shop for Quality, Not Price     98 49  It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To     100 50  Stay Young     102 51  Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work     104 52  Think for Yourself     106 53  You Are Not in Charge     108 54  Have Something in Your Life That Takes You Out of Yourself     110 55  Only the Good Feel Guilty     112 56  If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything at All     114   Part II Partnership Rules     117 57  Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common     120 58  Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves     122 59  Be Nice     124 60  You Want to Do What?     126 61  Be the First to Say Sorry     128 62  Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them     130 63  Always Have Someone--or Something--That Is Pleased to See You     132 64  Know When to Listen and When to Act     134 65  Have a Passion for Your Life Together     136 66  Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love     138 67  Keep Talking     140 68  Respect Privacy     142 69  Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals     144 70  Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend     146 71  Contentment Is a High Aim     148 72  You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules     150   Part III Family and Friends Rules     153 73  If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend     156 74  Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones     158 75  Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves--They Don’t Need Any Help from You     160 76  Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for Your Parents     162 77  Give Your Kids a Break     164 78  Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off     166 79  Keep Quiet     168 80  There Are No Bad Children     170 81  Be Up Around People You Love     172 82  Give Your Kids Responsibilities     174 83  Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home     176 84  Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like     178 85  Your Role as a Child     180 86  Your Role as a Parent     182   Part IV Social Rules     185 87  We’re All Closer Than You Think     188 88  It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive     190 89  It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful     192 90  What’s in It for Them?     194 91  Hang Out with Positive People     196 92  Be Generous with Your Time and Information     198 93  Get Involved     200 94  Keep the Moral High Ground     202 95  Just Because You Have, Doesn't Mean They Have Too     204 96  Do Compare Yourself with Other People     206 97  Have a Plan for Your Career     208 98  Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You Do for a Living     210 99  Be Good at Your Job     212 100  Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing     214 101  Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation     216 102  Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem     218 103  Check What History Would Say About You     220 104  Not Everything Can Be Green     222 105  Put Something Back     224 106  Find a New Rule Every Day--or Occasionally at Least     226     The Rules of Parenting   Contents Introduction     xi Part I Rules for Staying Sane     2 1 Relax     4 2 No One Is Perfect     6 3 Be Content     8 4 Know What You’re Good at     10 5 Almost Any Rule Can Be Broken Occasionally     12 6 Don’t Try to Do Everything     14 7 You Don’t Have to Follow Every Piece of Advice You Get (Including This One)     16 8 It’s Normal to Want to Escape     18 9 You’re Allowed to Hide from Your Kids     20 10 Parents Are People Too     22 11 Don’t Ignore Your Relationship with Your Partner     24 Part II Attitude Rules     26 12 Love Is Not Enough     28 13 Every Recipe Needs Different Ingredients     30 14 Anything Extreme Is Almost Certainly Wrong     32 15 Look Pleased to See Them     34 16 Treat Your Child with Respect     36 17 Enjoy Their Company     38 18 It’s Not about You — It’s about Them     40 19 Being Tidy Isn’t as Important as You Think     42 20 Good Parenting Is Calculated Risk Taking     44 21 Keep Your Worries to Yourself     46 22 See Things from Their Point of View     48 23 Parenting Is Not a Competitive Sport     50 24 Never Emotionally Blackmail Them     52 Part III Everyday Rules     54 25 Let Them Get On with It     56 26 Let Them Go (Wild)     58 27 Teach Them to Think for Themselves     60 28 Use Praise Wisely    62 29 Make Sure They Know What’s Important     64 30 Show Them How to Lose     66 31 Know the Value of Boundaries     68 32 Bribery Doesn’t Have to Be Bad     70 33 Moods Are Catching     72 34 You’re Setting Their Eating Patterns for Life     74 35 Communicate     76 36 Set Clear Targets     78 37 Don’t Be a Nag     80 Part IV Discipline Rules     82 38 Present a United Front     84 39 Carrots Beat Sticks     86 40 Be Consistent     88 41 Lighten Up     90 42 Focus on the Problem, Not the Person     92 43 Don’t Paint Yourself into a Corner     94 44 If You Lose Your Temper, You’re the Loser     96 45 Apologize if You Get It Wrong     98 46 Let Them Back in     100 47 The Right of Expression     102 Part V Personality Rules     104 48 Find What Incentives Work for Your Child     106 49 Every Child Should Have Something He Knows He’s Good At     108 50 Learn to Appreciate the Qualities That Remind You of Someone Else     110 51 Look for the Similarities Between You     112 52 Find Qualities to Admire in Them     114 53 Let Them Be Better Than You     116 54 Their Attitude Is as Important as Their Achievements     118 55 Keep Your Fears and Insecurities to Yourself     120 56 Mind Your Programming     122 57 Don’t Try to Have a Perfect Child     124 Part VI Sibling Rules     126 58 Give Them Each Other     128 59 Recognize that Squabbling Is Healthy (Within Reason)     130 60 Teach Them to Fight Their Own Battles     132 61 Work as a Team     134 62 Let Them Entertain Each Other     136 63 Never Compare Children with Each Other     138 64 Different Children Need Different Rules   140 65 Don’t Have a Favorite     142 66 Mix and Match    144 67 Find Each Child’s Strengths     146 Part VII School Rules    148 68 Schooling Isn’t the Same as Education    150 69 School Comes as a Package     152 70 Fight Your Child’s Corner    154 71 Bullying Is Always Serious    156 72 Teach Them to Stand Up for Themselves    158 73 Put Up with Friends of Theirs You Don’t Like    160 74 Remember You’re Their Parent, Not Their Teacher    162 75 Don’t Spoil Them     164 76 Let Up the Pressure     166 77 They Have to Live with Their Choices (and It’s OK)    168 Part VIII Teenage Rules     170 78 Don’t Panic     172 79 Remember Newton’s Third Law     174 80 Give Them a Voice     176 81 Don’t Look Under the Mattress     178 82 Running Around after Them Doesn’t Help Anybody     180 83 Don’t Stand in Front of a Speeding Train     182 84 Yelling Isn’t the Answer      184 85 Let Them Have the Last Word     186 86 Everything Comes with Strings     188 87 Show Some Respect for the Things They Care about     190 88 Adopt a Healthy Attitude to Sex    192 Part IX Crisis Rules     194 89 Don’t Use Your Kids as Ammunition     196 90 Let Them Cope in Their Own Way    198 91 Being Younger Doesn’t Necessarily Speed Everything Up     200 92 The Aftershock Can Last Forever     202 93 Tell Them What’s Going On    204 94 Teach Them to Fail Successfully     206 95 It’s Better to Agree Than to Be Right     208 96 All of Your Actions Speak Louder Than Any of Your Words     210 97 Make Sure They Know They’re Priority No. 1     212 98 You Can’t Fix Everything     214 Part X Grown-up Rules     216 99 Back Off     218 100 Wait Until They Ask for Advice     220 101 Treat Them as Adults     222 102 Don’t Try to Be Their Best Friend     224 103 Encourage Them Regardless     226 104 You Can’t Choose Who Your Children Love     228 105 Leave the Strings Off     230 106 Don’t Guilt-Trip Them     232 107 Remember They Still Need You     234 108 It’s Not Your Fault     236 109 Once a Parent, Always a Parent     238