Acknowledgments xi Introduction 1 Part I The Urgency to Get Over Our Selves 5 1 A World on Edge 7 Paradise Burning 8 Stressed to Death 12 A Failed Prediction 15 Keynes Versus Hayek 17 The Heart and Soul of Neoliberalism 24 2 Lost Heroes 29 Selfie Generation 32 Lonely Generation 38 Burnout Generation 42 Lost Generation 47 Another Failed Prediction? 51 3 Spirals of Change 55 What Was Enlightenment? 56 From Enlightenment to the Dog Whisperer 58 Tracing the Path of Human Development 61 The Opportunist (Self-Sovereign Mind) 64 The Diplomat and Expert (Socialized Mind) 66 The Achiever (Self-Authoring Mind) 71 Toxic Achieverism 72 Spiral to Arc 74 4 Wandering at an Apex 77 The Self-Questioning Transformer 77 Navigating the Postmodern Terrain 82 Neoliberal Quicksand 87 Destroy This Model 88 Slipping Through the Cracks 89 Part II Un-self Help 93 5 Selfies and Self-Realization Guidepost 1: From Self-Perfection to the Wisdom of Humility 95 Narcissism as Mistaken Identity 96 Default Mode 100 Narrative Versus Minimal Self 102 The True Meaning of Humility 105 The Richness of Self-Realization 107 Anchoring in the Practice of Embodiment 109 6 Loneliness and Oneness Guidepost 2: From Separateness to the Wisdom of Interdependence 117 Physical Interdependence: Bodies of Multitudes 118 Psychological Interdependence: The Resonant Brain 125 Spiritual Interdependence: The Garment of Destiny 132 Anchoring in the Practice of Connection 134 7 Burnout and Wholeheartedness Guidepost 3: From Rationality to the Wisdom of Vulnerability 139 When Your Heart's Not in It 140 Heart as Escape Hatch 145 Mark of the Valkyries 147 Real Compassion 149 Vulnerable Confidence 151 The Heart of Yes and No 153 Anchoring in the Practice of Courage 154 8 Lost and Liberated Guidepost 4: From Progress to the Wisdom of Openness 159 Dare to Not Know 164 Staying with Uncertainty 166 The Cure in Curiosity 168 Relaxing into Insight 169 The Mindful Brain 173 The Modern Mindfulness Trap 176 Anchoring in the Practice of Wonder 179 Part III Concluding and Beginning 183 9 Friends Between Worlds 185 Calling All Builders 187 Power in Diversity, Diversity in Power 188 Moving Slowly 189 Listening Deeply 191 Loving Fiercely 192 I Don't Want to Move to Mars 193 Room for Alternatives 195 Heroes of Belonging 196 Notes 199 References 203 Recommended Reading 239 About the Author 241 Index 243

PRAISE FOR GETTING OVER OURSELVES "A timely and thorough exploration of how we can let go of societal expectations and connect to our true self through humility, embodiment and rediscovering a sense of awe and wonder in the world around us."—LODRO RINZLER, author of books including The Buddha Walks into a Bar, The Buddha Walks into the Office and Take Back Your Mind: Buddhist Advice for Anxious Times, and co-founder of MNDFL meditation studios "Congleton's touching stories, research base, and practical nudges offer an elegantly written invitation to embrace the interdependence of self and system, eschewing what has become a norm of self-striving. She gives us hope that our warm embrace will result in good company on the journey of learning, unlearning, growth, and ultimately rebuilding a thriving society for all."—ELISE FOSTER, executive coach and co-author, The Multiplier Effect and Beautiful Questions in the Classroom "In a world of disquiet and disconnection, this book provides a critical lens on how to focus inward so we can connect with others in more meaningful ways. Christina Congleton provides a rich tapestry of scholarship, woven together in an accessible way, with actionable guideposts, so that we can become the heroes of belonging we desperately need and yearn for. If the next generations of leaders are going to effectively navigate the challenges we will all inevitably face, we need accessible resources to support our learning, growth, and development. In Getting Over Ourselves, Christina Congleton provides one such text. As a result of her vision for and commitment to a better world, we now have a brilliant book that illuminates why change is necessary and how we each might strategically transform ourselves to be more meaningfully connected inward—and outward."—JONATHAN KROLL, founder and executive director, Leadership Trainer; author of Preparing Leadership Educators: A Comprehensive Guide to Theories, Practices, and Facilitation Skills